I wish she could read this

It's 0047 hours, Got an exam today afternoon..studied nothing at all as of now, but can't stop myself from writing this

There's something about the song "hiriye soniye" that always made me notice it. And the way it finished with that line, "you love only once, rest is life", made it a piece of great admiration.Atleast,in me shail had a consistent appreciator.

But what i have written is immaterial except the line whose depth i could realise in entirety.I don't know how many people i have hurt in my life, but i do feel bad for all of them.But i had never felt worse than this in my life. For last two days, i have been doing whatever i can do to keep myself busy,flirting with every heck of a girl that i could come across,has already drunk twice to my heart content. This time though,to keep someone out of mind.To not let some body's thoughts haunt me.

But that doesn't seem happening.While i myself asked her not to call, i still keep looking at my cell,fondling it without reason in hope that it might show that familiar name once again.when my friends talk about it,i could laugh it away,but at the same time can't stop my eyes from flooding when i am writing this.I still wish that somehow that voice rings in ma ears again,the same voice which enamoured me into losing myself into her .I hope,I cud see those eyes again and loose myself into its stealth once more,just once more.Yeah!I do wish i could get back to her and patch up everything.and i so wish to do that in time before that last string loosens out of the fabric.

But,I am not putting any effort to get back to her.And while i so want her in my life, I pray to god that it doesn't happens.I always thought life is all bout,"chill!!" . It's about being damn care, having a good sleep, having a nice meal. It's about a night out,travelling with a back pack , a sleeper and shorts .
But guess! my notion bout life has never been challenged that strongly..It's complex, my god.
I just wish she did be happy.But i do hope, she doesn't hate me.i wish she could read this someday and realise that walking away from her never meant that i didn't love her.It just meant i have reasons to say that i don't. I wish that she realise their that i still miss her a lot.
And while i am awake here, i so wish to know if she is sleeping well. While i could feel my eyes getting moist, i so pray for that smile on her lips..

Cant believe I had a girl like you and I just let you walk right out of my life, after all I put u thru u still stuck around and stayed by my side,
what really hurt me is I broke ur heart, baby you were a good girl and I had no right, I Really wanna make things right,
cuz without u in my life girl

Im so lonely