I din't know where to pour my heart so here

Somebody says,"some people leave it not knowing how close to winning they were"..i kept this in heart...and i tried for every single day...from 25th october...i cried..then when she said,"i don't like you crying"..i cried in loneliness but never let her know.....she said,"if you love me, don't call me"...i waited for two days and then she called and now i could not stop calling her.....it's 17th day and things have gone worst from worse...today i am not crying but..but how would i stop this water coming out from my eyes....i have gone to every nook and corner, tried every desperate attempt...just hoped somebody could make her believe that i loved her..somebody could just tell her..that this guy would never be able to live without her...somebody could fill that love back in her heart....And now that i am losing every single day..i hope somebody could hold me and say,"don't lose her,not now...don't give up now..not atleast now...she might be just thinking about you"....i just wish i don't turn out to be loser..i get battered , shattered but don't lose it here...because if i lose it here...i have lost it for ever.......but the question is how? the question is how....please god, friends....whoever...can you just help me fulfill one wish!! i promise i would live without asking for another!!
I could not eat food, i don't feel like drinking. I have got exams everyday, could not study anything...lied to her that i am studying hard because she said she would come back..i know she would never,but how could i let it go..I don't know after how many days did i go to mess....but as soon as i took my plate and food...saw it and tears started flooding my eyes...i ate a spoon and have to get up and run out because could not show these teary eyes to anyone..after all i am fauzi, not supposed to be crying!! i could have written this on facebook but i could not because she would get sad...how could not i hate her? what has she done to me? but i would love her..let's see if she would ever love me again....what do i asked in life? just that she'd be with me!! but i guess, it was too much for her!!
how could i even ask her to come?? how? when everytime i ask her to!! she would say,"don't i have any right to be happy" ..how should i tell her, that i really want her to be happy but just could not let her go...i just want to come out of all this mess...absolutely...entirely...may be i get posted to andaman..may be somalia..may be anywhere where i do not have a phone to get in touch with her....i try deleting her no. but how would i ever forget her numbers...i have forgotten mine but could not do with hers...what was so bad in me that she hates me..that is just the answer i seek..if she could just tell me, why she hates me? ..i thought she cared for me..she really loved me...it was just a month back and we were planning to get married..and today i am left alone....in hope that...she falls in love with me again..these tears could move her..only if she knew...that coming to somebody's life could save someone's life!!