DiaRY(2) continues...

I looked up and....'WOW!'
"is that a shooting star?", somebody unremarkable guessed..

well, late this night I am upstairs, upstairs on the block roof, siting silently, alone, gazing the star-studded beauty, reinventing luminosity every second...some dark corner unobserved to...it looks like every detail is a creation in itself..has its own significance. Lips murmuring, fingers pointing, back lounging still..i found myself calculating unmindfully, feeling silly yet doing something irrelevant to me, to anyone, discovering the orions and nevula of early winter fall...booming with preen and success of the same. I felt a chill running through my spine...even though I am well-rigged, garnished by my fur-necked 'ruggers' woolen jacket, promising me to sit laxed, undeviant ...but the wind is soaring high, it is real cold..i stood up.

"damn! what the f*** man..this bloddy loadsheading in NERIST is on its peak nowadays", his voice broke the silence embracing me, shattered my perpetuated nature fondness..i prepared to leave...i looked around and then.....

lights off, the atmosphere appear hazy, the creamy touch of the wind, the gloomyness of the way-off straight laden soiled blockway, every blurred detalis, reminded me, reconstructing the same left-over dream, filling the same notions, springing the unfulfilled vision.....I REMEMBERED MY DREAM!!


....year 2030.....miss Catherine Green....and my name....some....Douglas?


the words ring deep down my conscience...accepting the conceived contradictions, but a still majority kneeling it to absurdness and irrationality.

“Dreams are the answers to questions that we haven't yet figured out how to ask.”

“Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.”

in terms of psychology,"dreams are the conscious reality of the unconcious mind."

i sat down again perplexed, eyes fixed, heart temptating, mind swaying apart running through severe skepticism...i sat for full 10 minutes...emotionally drawn, speechless...
"so, dat's what i want from life?"
"so, i am mentally dawned to lose my nationality, my culture, my religion(though i am agnostic), my pride, my essence...my NAME in need, in future...dat's what i will do?"
"does being an Indian mean nothing to me even after my brought-up here since birth?"
"what if..."
"and......."


...oh, there are so many of them.....

.....i looked for answers,defending myself over myself..the questions keep springing up.

q1:why should I not feel like an Indian even though am one of them??

----sounds really simple, simpler the reasons..
why should anyone want to be in India? already 102 crore plus, difficult to get noticed, swinging jobs, witty, dirty politics, delayed, uncustomised law and order, populous poverty, unsystemised megacities and as if its not already too much, now the added curse: a hub of global terrorism...

q2:excuse me,every coin has two faces...you are missing the good phases..remember, India is secular, democratic and sovereign, it is not an ally,its independent and follows global norms, treaties of mutual benefit and cooperation...what do you say to that?
----regarding your 'unity in diversity'agenda...i'll start with the north-east only.In Assam,ULFA and NDFB of boro tribes, Manipur's Peoples Liberation Army, UNLF & PREPAK, Nagaland has NSCN-IM and NSCN-K. National Liberation Front of Tripura, All Tripura Tiger Force insurging Tripura, Meghalaya's ANVC, HNLC & Mizoram has Hmar People's Convention-Democracy,HPC(D) and BNLF. They want a country of their own,,,the arunachalis considering themselves as the left-over china, nagas commemorate their seperate independence day, meghalaya following the wastern culture to the limit possible, south India considering themselves way off, aloof from the rest. MNS, Bajrang Dal, RSS..dividing the nation on bases new found...and you talk about treaties?...the entire nation bisected for a single nuclear deal!!
...***...end of part 3/4...***...